When I Am Sorry

I am not the kind of person who is content to go along my merry way when something is wrong. If I have offended someone I usually want to make it right without wasting time! Granted, there is something to be said for taking the time you need to sort things out in your head and to that end I am not opposed. But for me, to leave something hanging out there for hours or days on end does not sit well with my insides. I am not happy when things aren't right and I really shouldn't be. It shouldn't be easy to live in my skin when I have caused a grievance. I have more trouble sometimes forgiving myself than accepting the forgiveness of another. I don't want to fail!

I remember once saying this to my dearest friend. Her response shocked me, "How dare you think so much of yourself that you think you could even "be" perfect". Now, wait just a minute I thought but then I stopped because she was right. I was speechless!

So why am I writing about this today? Well as it turns out I needed to ask my husband's forgiveness on this fine day! I grumped at him yesterday (after church of all things). I wanted something actually a few somethings and I really did not want to wait. I felt that I had been waiting and I just didn't want to do it anymore. That's always a good excuse right? Wrong!

So I was frustrated because he being of sound mind thought we should save for these items and not just charge them on our credit card. Me being of delusional mind thought he was being a bit frugal. So I just got quiet. Not to punish him but because I didn't know what to say and thought it best to say nothing. Well this was unfair to him but I couldn't shake it or reason it away. The more that time passed the angrier I got. I ended up a bit snippy. Snippy is not pretty on anyone and certainly not on me. I don't even like me when I get that way.

This morning as I awoke I knew that I was wrong and owed him an apology. Not just that but also a huge thank you for being the steadfast man that he is. He could have caved (I'm so glad he didn't because I wouldn't have been able to take advantage of that if I could - which made me madder). I opened my bible and began reading from Philippians 2:1-5.

Before I go any further.....I have to tell you that God got me right between the eyes. It says,

"be like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

So now I am really seeing the error of my ways and I immediately ask God's forgiveness. Second, I asked for Rod's. I told him how sorry I was and how I so valued his wisdom and love for me. I know he would give me the world.

I am happy to report that he has forgiven me as I knew he would. He also said that I never get like that and that he feels like he does it more than me. (I never noticed with him).

So we go on and I not only did the right thing but I intend to follow it up with the right actions. What is that? Not repeating that behavior.

You know I debated whether or not to put this on my blog. I know that more people are reading it now and I want so much to be an encourager. I am so human and I fail. I don't like it. But I live with it and I learn from it. Perhaps, in my sharing someone will learn from me and not make the same mistakes.

I'm sorry, two words.....so important!

I Saw Jesus (Author Unknown)

I Saw Jesus I saw Jesus this week. He was wearing blue jeans and an old shirt. He was up at the church building, He was alone and working hard. For just a minute he looked a little like one of our church members, but it was Jesus, I could tell by his smile.

I saw Jesus last Sunday. He was teaching a Bible class. He didn't talk real loud or use long words, but you could tell he believed what he said. For just a minute, he looked like my Sunday school teacher, but it was Jesus, I could tell by his loving voice.

I saw Jesus yesterday. He was at the hospital visiting a friend who was sick. They prayed together quietly. For just a minute he looked like our pastor, but it was Jesus, I could tell by the tears in his eyes. I saw Jesus this morning. He was in my kitchen making my breakfast. He then fixed me a special lunch to take with me. For just a minute he looked like my Mom, but it was Jesus; I could feel the love from his heart.

I saw Jesus today. He was praying on his knees all alone. He then began to cry for those he prayed for. For just a minute he looked like a lady from our church, but it was Jesus; I could hear the compassion poured out in his prayer.

I saw Jesus the other day. He was at the grocery store talking to a friend. He then put his arms around them to comfort them. For just a minute he looked like a young mother in our ladies class, but it was Jesus; I could see the concern for others who hurt.

I see Jesus everywhere. Taking food to the sick, welcoming others to his home, being friendly to a newcomer, And for just a minute I think he's someone I know, but it's always Jesus; I can tell by the way he serves.

May someone see Jesus in you and me today!

The Cliff and the Choice

The Cliff and the Choice

From the Summer 1999 issue of Hopes & Dreams, newsletter of the Illinois Chapter, Huntington's Disease Society of America.

This poem was submitted by Julie Sando, a woman who recently went in for HD testing. Her words VIVIDLY describe the "testing process" and some feelings one might have! The Illinois Chapter has received permission to reprint this poem.

Walking a path there are no signs, no direction, I am alone. I walked through crowds and still the sense that I am somewhere else and cannot fit in like I used to overwhelms me.
I come to a fork in the road. To the left is the unknown road called "What If", to the right the sign says "Test Ahead." At the end of each road is a cliff. I walk to the edge of each one. To the one at the left I ask myself, "What if I test? What if I don't? What is best? What is worse? What if I have it? What if I don't? What are my choices? What are the risks, being at risk?
To the one on the right I ask myself, "What will I find? What will I do? Positive, negative or the unknown in between. Will I step off the edge and fall from the cliff? or will I take off and soar to the heights?
I walk back and forth at the fork in the road turning back so often I have worn a path of its own. Sometimes I think I know and I take off in one way only to stop in my tracks my resolve in pieces on the ground and my soul weary from the journey.
There are even days when I almost forget and I do not go to the fork in the road. I am alive for now and I am going to live today for all it's worth. I am going to tell someone I love them, I am going to cherish this family, this day, this job, this house, these friends, the things I have taken for granted. I sort out what matters and I smell the roses along the way. I feel I have aged and at times I feel like a child -- vulnerable.
One day I take off at the fork in the road. Only I do not stop I go to the right and the test I take... realizing that the test began long before this time and place only I did not know it. I begin to walk toward the cliff wondering what lies ahead.
It is just me and the Lord and I am trusting completely in Him. I cannot look back and I cannot stop I am compelled to go on, it is my time. As I get to the edge I can barely move my feet, my heart is racing, I know I am going to step off.
I hear the words I did not know I would hear. Negative! Negative! Was I meant to soar? As I run off the edge I am hitting a wall, I fall smack dab down on the edge and land with a thump. I do not understand why I cannot fly? I meet shock, then grief comes to visit, I am thankful, I am happy but I am crying.
I am feeling so much emotion that I have buried down deep. Emotions for my mother who is in mid to late stages of HD. Emotions about this whole journey and process that I have not allowed myself to feel. They come floating up calling my name. Time to take attendance no more tardies they say. You can't put us off. I am so confused. What is this I am feeling?
Others say you can now be the person you wanted to be. I will never be the person I was and I don't even want to be. I like me better now. I was more the me I was meant to be in this journey than I ever was before. I lived in it, I did not wait for some result to dictate my life. I will continue to change because I am a part of HD. My family, my mom, my sib's who are still on their own walk through the fork in the road. My friends in the HD community, Positive, Negative, At risk, Caregivers, loved ones and friends of those impacted by HD. We are family. I will always be a part and I will always live now, and I will grow and I will love and receive. And I will give back.
Slowly I get up and step off the cliff and I see something I never saw before until now. I was never alone, the Lord was and is with me. And with those who tested positive, and at risk and with the caregivers. He never left one. And all my curiosity of whether or not I would fall off the cliff or soar from the heights was also answered. WE ALL GET TO SOAR. No one falls down...we soar closer to heaven and we taste it. And we are changed.

It takes courage to be a part of HD. We cry, we get mad, we are afraid, we laugh, we risk, we are weak, we are strong, we make choices, we live and we die ALL OF US...but we get to do something that some people will never do when we step off that fork in the road...We get to soar!
*****Author's Notes*****
I recently tested negative for HD after being at risk for a number of years. My mother has tested positive in mid-late stages. I have siblings who have not tested. I would never tell someone whether they should test or not test. It is a personal choice.
HD has affected me profoundly. I have made some very special friends in this community and I am so much richer for it. We are family and I am deeply indebted to them for not just being there before but during and after this testing process. I will always have it in my life, in my family for now. I care passionately about this disease and am going to pray and fight for a cure. We all can do the same, "One Voice At a Time."

Update: Since writing this I have journeyed through many emotions. Survivor guilt being one of them. Through time and understanding and mostly prayer, I have come full circle. I am becoming whole inside again. This past June I attended my first HDSA conference in Arlington Va. I loved every part of it. What a joy to go and learn and to be able to come home and use that knowledge in my care of my mom and in helping the HD community at large. The other highlight was meeting a number of our online community. All I can say is these wonderful people are part of my heart. Lastly I recently had the privilege of being asked to be Co-President of our area HD chapter here in Seattle. I am humbled and excited to be a part of something that touches so many. It is my privilege to be an ambassador for the cause of HD. I give a lot of credit to the family here online. I am who I am because of you being a part of my life. I love you.

Update: I am working on a book of sorts called "Even If". It is about my life of which Huntington's Disease is a part. In fact, the knowledge of HD kicked this whole book off. I hope it touches someone right where they are at.

A Dog Named Katie

I wrote this back in 1999. Since it has been used at other sites I thought I might as well include it in my own.

Mom always named our pets people names. I hated that. We hat a cat named Snoopy once. But that was it. All the other animals had to suffer. A cat named Ethel was first. I guess that was okay because mom named it after her mom. And you don't name a family pet after someone you don't like right?
Then came our dog Patrick. He was with us for such a long time. Then about six years ago mom got Katie. I remember when she was trying to decide what to name her. Though I was grown and with a family of my own I truly felt I had to steer my mom away from another people named animal. Why not something like Itchy or Sunny or Boston or something creative? But not Katie.
Well, shortly after this point in time mom moved back down to Southern California with Katie in tow. For six years actually I think it is closer to 7, Katie has led a sedate life sharing a home in Laguna Hills Retirement Community with Mom, Grandma and grandma's little miniature poodle Alfie. Now Alfie is cool. He looks more like a tiny, tiny black sheep than a dog and he is a real instigator of both fun and trouble. I guess he is kind of like me. Except don't tell me I look like a sheep.
As the story goes Mom becomes very ill and no longer can live with grandma. We her kids need to find her a new home where she can get the kind of help she needs. That means no dog's. No Katie. Katie was all mom had each day. Her own little baby. A fuzzy female Shizu (I am sure I am spelling it wrong and if I spelled it like I think it sounds it would come out more like a bad word). Though I love mom, I do not, did not, would not take the dog. In fact we have had such a bad time with dogs (we used to do cats just fine until our son was found to be highly allergic to them. Now we just have a long beloved outside cat named Buzzy - notice it is not a people name?) Anyway my husband and I had a rule about the next person to bring a dog home unannounced. Shoot on site. Not the dog but the person who brought the dog home, meaning Steve or I. This was a hard and fast rule. Okay so we wouldn't really shoot the person but we wanted to emphasize how strongly we were not going to do this again.
As I write this today there sitting on the floor across the room is a pile of fur. Yes, fir. Not a stuffed animal, not a cat, not a rabbit but A DOG and not just any dog but a dog named KATIE. Seems the people who were going to take her had a change of heart. So poor Katie has been shipped on an airplane to an unfamiliar place and given two homes in about two weeks. I get a call last Thursday begging me to take Katie. Or she would be shipped to a pound. Eeeek. I can't do that. But I don't want a dog.
My brother already has two dogs. He is gone all day at work. So because this isn't just any dog but my mom's dog I feel compelled out of some sense of family obligation to take Katie in. She is beautiful, doesn't error on the carpet, is a lazy lying around dog who loves to be loved. She only has one bad habit. She barks when someone knocks on the door. That's it. And usually it is when I am least expecting it and whatever is in my hand seems to shoot straight out as soon as the shriek fills the room.
At first I thought about changing her name. Maybe calling her "T." Short for Katie. I thought it would be okay. But then I figured it wasn't her fault she had a people name and I probably shouldn't make life any more traumatic. She is a good dog I must confess. How did I get into this mess? Why does having this dog bother me so much? She is great. Then why?
Because, she reminds me of something very unhappy for me. She reminds me of my mom. She reminds me each time I look at her whose she is. Who raised and loved her. Who petted her and took her everywhere. I begin to realize that this dog, this fuzzy little cute thing had more of a relationship with my mom than I did. In seven years she beat my 37. She was close to my mom. They shared a closeness I never had and will never have. She also reminds me that mom is no longer able to take care of herself.
That Katie is here because mom can no longer take care of her. And mom is no longer able to take care of me. She cannot go places with me. She can't offer me advice when I need someone to talk to. She cannot teach me how to sew. She can't baby-sit her grand kids or come to their Birthdays or things at school. She cannot be the parent. She is becoming the child. And if I didn't realize already that I am grown up, I feel it profoundly now. I also feel the little girl in me calling out once more for my mom. Only, she isn't there. I didn't get mom. I got her dog.
Maybe instead of being a sad reminder to me this dog will be a good one. Maybe in time she will remind me that like mom she is innocent of what has happened to her. That she didn't ask for this lot in life. Mom did not ask for Huntington's Disease and neither did Katie ask to be moved. She loved my mom. Maybe this is a way I can honor my mother. By taking care of what is precious to her. You see my siblings can't do it. They are at risk and the pain of what this dog represents is too much to look at. That's how it is sometimes isn't it? We want to push aside what is uncomfortable and causes pain. We don't think about the person we ignore or push aside because all we can think about is our own pain.
Maybe this is my duty since I tested negative and do not have this disease. Maybe I owe this to her. I would like to think that just maybe I am mature enough to do this not because of some sort of obligation but merely because I love my mom and want to give to her in ways that will mean something. She doesn't seem to want or need my gifts of "things" but she would love it that I have her dog.
Maybe Katie is already teaching me how to really give and love. How to accept just as I desire acceptance. Maybe the one who got the best of my mom was her dog. But instead of running away maybe I can face this and thank God that I even have a chance to find a way to be close to her (my mom) in a way that speaks her language. Because in the end that is all that matters. It isn't loving like we want to be loved, but loving in the way that speaks love to the other person while still respecting our own boundaries.
You never know what life will bring. Sometimes it's a dog, even one with a people name.

(Update: Katie continues to thrive and do well as Queen of the Castle at my Uncle's home)

Even If

"Even If" is a story long in the making. If you read this blog I might as well tell you now that it will take time to both write it and read it. In the end I hope that "Even If" becomes part of your story and your life.

It began with a phone call. It was the fall of 1995. I was at home with two toddlers trying to run a home and keep them entertained while their father was at work. I can still remember it like it was just yesterday. Looking back I don't recall who was on the other end of the phone just what was said. My mother was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease. There was no more information just a diagnosis. I remember thinking that if I had never heard of it, it couldn't be that bad.

The next day with my boys in tow we went to the public library. I asked for anything and everything they had on Huntington's Disease. At that time, there wasn't much. I pulled out some big Medical Book and leafed through until I found the name. In order to make this easier to write I will refer to Huntington's Disease as HD. In this book was a fairly short and jarring description. What I read next had me running to the ladies room physically sick. In that moment I learned that Huntington's Disease is incurable, it is fatal and it is genetic.

I learned that my mother would die, that we her adult children each had a 50/50% chance of having it passed on genetically from her and that any of our children were also at 50/50% risk as well. Between my siblings and I that immediately put the four of us and four children between us at risk. The good news if there was to be any would be that if one or all of us did not inherit the gene for HD that it meant our children were not at risk as it does not skip a generation. The bad news aside from the obvious was that it would take getting tested to find out. Easy enough right? Wrong? There was so much to consider.

Immediately I felt different. I walked into the library feeling a part of the world as a whole. Suddenly, I felt as though I were in a bubble so-to-speak, that was not of my making. I felt alone in this new found knowledge. It was so frightening. How do you function with this kind of news? How do you keep it together?

Within a few weeks time we would purchase our first home computer. As soon as we had this hooked up and connected to the Internet I found all the information I was lacking and then some. Right away I located an online chat for people who were interested in or involved with Huntington's Disease. It was on AOL. (It has since been discontinued). I began to read anything and everything I could get my hands (or in my case - eyes) on. While there is something to being informed I think at the time that I digested a bit too much information. It was overwhelming to say the least. I had so many questions. I wanted to know more than just medical jargon, I wanted to hear from people who had experience in dealing with HD from day to day.

One of the very first, if not the first person I met was a kind woman named Jean Miller. Jean listened to my concerns, helped to answer questions and guide me to more places that would serve to be a support and literally become a lifeline to me over the next years.

Jean was a woman who was lovingly caring for a daughter who was positive for HD and in the thick of the disease. Kelly was her only child and Jean worked tirelessly to find ways to assist in the care and cure for Kelly. There are not enough words to adequately express what their relationship was like. We all felt like we knew and cared about Kelly because she was such a part of Jean. When Kelly passed away before age 30 it was a life lost far too young. It was also evidence that there are cases of Juvenile Huntington's that proves it doesn't only impact those who are in their 30's and older. In honor of Kelly, Jean would share their story and continue on to help raise awareness and support for a cure. I will share the link to that site here.

http://huntingtondisease.tripod.com/hdlinks/id7.html

When you get to this site make sure to look at the options on the left of the page and click on Jean and Kelly's story.

I would highly encourage you to check out this site. It will touch your heart beyond measure. More than that it will give you an idea of what those with HD and caregivers go through. It also is a story of the incredible love of a mother and daughter. Jean is one of my heroes.

Dearest Jean, I have never forgotten and I shall never forget you and precious Kelly. Love Jva

I met others,Laney, Marcia (Lynn), Pat, Lou, Jerry, Red, and so many others. We became a family. Each of us in different roles. Some at risk, some caregivers and others who tested positive. We helped each other understand a different perspective.

A Humble Thank You

I am both humbled and touched by the response to The Burning House that I wrote and posted on this site. I went to the HDAC web site and was very touched by the responses that it generated. It is frightening to put your heart and experiences out there for others to read and perhaps judge. If in doing so you have been encouraged in some way then it is worth the risk. We all just walk this road of life together. If we are very fortunate we can help another along the way. Thanks!

A Cherished Photo ~ My Mom and I in 2004

Goodbye For Now by Kathy Troccoli

I can't believe that you're really gone now, seems like it's all just a dream
how can it be that the world would go on, when something has died within me

Leaves will turn, my heart will burn with colors of you
snow will fall, but I'll recall your warmth
summer wind, breathing in your memory I'll miss you

But there will be a time when I'll see your face
and I'll hear your voice and there we will laugh again
And there will come a day when I'll hold you close
no more tears to cry 'cause we'll have forever
but I'll say goodbye for now

I can't imagine my life without you,
you held a place all your own
just knowing you were beneath the same sky
Oh what a joy I have known on rainy days,
in many ways, you'll water my heart on starry nights
I'll glimpse the light of your smile
never far from my heart

You'll stay with me
So I'll wait...for now

Life Comes Back II

I found this photo with the caption below it in a store several years ago. It means so much to me. Here is this little girl standing in the rain and she is standing there taking it all in. She is playing and laughing. This really was how I saw myself. There had been so much rain in my life at that point so to speak that it would have seemed normal to run inside and seek shelter.

This little girl can finally embrace the rain. She can laugh in the midst of it.

That has been my journey. I too am that little girl!

Life Comes Back

Why?

It is a familiar question! Why? Why me? Why not me? When tragedy strikes we are often left searching for answers, for a reason, a solution, an acceptable understanding. Sometimes it is hard to accept that there are times when there is no answer forthcoming.

Sometimes we blame others, ourselves or God. If God loved us He wouldn't allow this thing to have happened? You know I have had a lot of things happen that I still don't understand but one thing is clear for me. God did not cause those things. God can get me through them but He did not cause them.

I think for me it comes down to not so much the why anymore as to the what. What will I do with what is before me? What will I do when I don't know why? What will I do when it makes no sense? Will I give up, crawl in my bed and pull the covers over my head and stop living? Will I drown my sorrows in alcohol? Will I pretend they don't exist and deny my own feelings even to myself?

Sometimes the hardest thing is walking through the tough stuff. Feeling it, facing it and continuing on. I know, I have been there. I still have my whys but I am okay. For now it's enough!

The Burning House

I was in this burning house! It was so hot and it burned my eyes and singed my skin. I wasn't alone. There were numerous others inside with me. I could hear their screams, see their fear and understand their terror. It was my terror too!

We tried to get out but just couldn't find the way. It seemed we tried for so long. Some voices grew silent while others in desperation tried to break free.

Some worked together hoping, praying, begging, crying, pleading. Some were alone choosing to fight by themselves seemingly oblivious to the others around them. We all wanted out. It was hot, it became difficult to breathe. We couldn't see our eyes felt the sting and the burn.

Something grabs a hold of me and pulls. It is now dark and cold. I stumble to the ground. I have been rescued. I am shocked. I cannot seem to shake this stunning change of events. I hear a voice in the crowd, "thank God you are free", thank God you are alive", you should shout for joy, dance, celebrate. I think to myself, perhaps I should but somehow I cannot.

I can hardly stand. I get to my feet and as I catch my first full breathe of air I begin to walk. Step by step I walk back toward the burning house. I want back in. I want to, I need to, I must try to bring the others out. I am almost to the blazing door, I am reaching, I'm here, I'm coming I yell.

Hands are pulling me back, away. They won't let me go. Arms surround me pulling me farther and farther away.

You don't understand I cry. I know those people, I was in that fire. I smelled the smoke, I felt the burn. I was there. I want to get them out but I can't. So I don't dance. I don't sing and I don't forget. With just a word it all comes back and I am there.

So here I am and the house it still burns. It never stops burning and more people are inside, trapped. There is no hose, no water, no amount of effort that can stop it from burning. Until they come up with what will finally put that fire out I will always remember and I will always know what it's like and I will be in pain for those who remain.

That is what it is like to test negative for Huntington's Disease for me. Traumatic, indescribable and life changing. And all I dream about is someone handing me the hose so I can help put it out.

The Pebble

A man was given a task by his master. He was handed a pebble and told to carry it to the top of a hill. The man went on his way when he was stopped by a friend who asked what he was doing. The man replied, "I am carrying this pebble to the top of the hill." The friend told him that he too had a pebble and since he was already heading up the hill would it be okay if he carried his pebble for him. The man agreed and on he went now carrying two pebbles. Soon an elderly woman stopped him and claiming to be weak and tired asked if he would also carry her pebble.

Before long he could no longer walk up the hill with ease. Each step became a struggle as he carried the pebbles of so many others. Stuck part way up the hill his master said, "what is wrong?" to which the man replied, I can't walk any further for I am carrying too many pebbles that are weighing me down. His master then asked, "Who told you to carry those pebbles? Did I not give you only one to carry? Why then are carrying these others? Those pebbles are not for you to carry or I would have given them to you. They are for those to whom I gave them.

And so it is with us. God gives us a pebble and somehow we end up with a burden that is more than we could or are intended to bear. We mistake our efforts for love or kindness never realizing that it isn't our load to carry. In the bible the prodigal son leaves his father and takes his inheritance to go and spend it as he likes. The father in this story does not chase after nor stop his son. He lets him go. The son learns that he must hit bottom before he can truly learn.
Did not that father care? Of course, he let him go but he waited and he waited for him to return. Eventually his son did return and he had learned his lesson. When you or I carry anothers load we may be keeping them from the lessons that God has for them. Not only that but we are keeping ourselves from that which God has for us. We labor under burdens that were never ours to carry.
Whose pebbles are you carrying today? What pebbles do you need to let go of?

For me I knew that the pebble I was carrying was the worry and responsibility of a 40 something year old sister of mine who has never been able to sustain herself on her own. When it is your family it is very difficult. Where is the fine line between helping and hindering? When is enough - enough? What priority does my own marriage, children and personal well being fit in to all of this? How do I let go? It makes you think!

Some of the photo's I have taken in 2006

Beverly Hills, California in July of 2006

The Space Needle in Seattle, Washington in August of 2006

I went to a nursery and practiced

Snoqualmie Falls, Washington in August of 2006

Veteran's Day of 2006


Another picture I took at a nursery in 2006

This is Heaven on Earth ~ Maui!

I love this photograph! An incredible beach in Maui all set for a romantic dinner for two!

This is something that really speaks to the heart of the island. Great landscape, very romantic, and incredible food. The sound of the waves and the smell of gorgeous flowers....MMMMMNN!

What makes it all come together is sharing it with someone you love. For me, that would be my husband! He is the love of my life! And he doesn't wait until Maui to do these kinds of things! I am blessed!

An Introduction of Sorts

There are so many ideas swirling around in my head.

Some of the topics I will write about are:

Growing up
Faith
Friendship
Huntington's Disease
My Mom (s)
My Family
My Great Joys
My Loves
Photographs
Whatever flows!

It is a place for some serious reflection!
Perhaps a place for a good conversation!
Let's just grab that coffee and talk!

Jvabean's Blog

Welcome to my blog! My online moniker is Jvabean. I don't think you will have any questions as to why. Good coffee and great conversation seem to go together. Here is a cup of Jva for you!