When I Am Sorry

I am not the kind of person who is content to go along my merry way when something is wrong. If I have offended someone I usually want to make it right without wasting time! Granted, there is something to be said for taking the time you need to sort things out in your head and to that end I am not opposed. But for me, to leave something hanging out there for hours or days on end does not sit well with my insides. I am not happy when things aren't right and I really shouldn't be. It shouldn't be easy to live in my skin when I have caused a grievance. I have more trouble sometimes forgiving myself than accepting the forgiveness of another. I don't want to fail!

I remember once saying this to my dearest friend. Her response shocked me, "How dare you think so much of yourself that you think you could even "be" perfect". Now, wait just a minute I thought but then I stopped because she was right. I was speechless!

So why am I writing about this today? Well as it turns out I needed to ask my husband's forgiveness on this fine day! I grumped at him yesterday (after church of all things). I wanted something actually a few somethings and I really did not want to wait. I felt that I had been waiting and I just didn't want to do it anymore. That's always a good excuse right? Wrong!

So I was frustrated because he being of sound mind thought we should save for these items and not just charge them on our credit card. Me being of delusional mind thought he was being a bit frugal. So I just got quiet. Not to punish him but because I didn't know what to say and thought it best to say nothing. Well this was unfair to him but I couldn't shake it or reason it away. The more that time passed the angrier I got. I ended up a bit snippy. Snippy is not pretty on anyone and certainly not on me. I don't even like me when I get that way.

This morning as I awoke I knew that I was wrong and owed him an apology. Not just that but also a huge thank you for being the steadfast man that he is. He could have caved (I'm so glad he didn't because I wouldn't have been able to take advantage of that if I could - which made me madder). I opened my bible and began reading from Philippians 2:1-5.

Before I go any further.....I have to tell you that God got me right between the eyes. It says,

"be like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

So now I am really seeing the error of my ways and I immediately ask God's forgiveness. Second, I asked for Rod's. I told him how sorry I was and how I so valued his wisdom and love for me. I know he would give me the world.

I am happy to report that he has forgiven me as I knew he would. He also said that I never get like that and that he feels like he does it more than me. (I never noticed with him).

So we go on and I not only did the right thing but I intend to follow it up with the right actions. What is that? Not repeating that behavior.

You know I debated whether or not to put this on my blog. I know that more people are reading it now and I want so much to be an encourager. I am so human and I fail. I don't like it. But I live with it and I learn from it. Perhaps, in my sharing someone will learn from me and not make the same mistakes.

I'm sorry, two words.....so important!